My mother never really died. It seems
She now roams freely in my mind waiting for the slightest self-doubt
Then she speaks to me in my own voice. "Stupid cow,
I always hated you."She tells me
I have no gifts or talents, no brains no guts
"Failure! Idiot Failure!" "All that potential, my good looks"
"Brains wasted on you." "I never loved anyone."
"You know what I mean."
"You always gave yourself so easily."
"Embarrassment!" She screams this in my sleep
Contaminates my day with the echo of that word
"They all loved me best" she says, "even your boyfriends..."
The implication hangs there...
"Ask him, you know who I mean. He'll lie to you."
"You're a patsy, you know that?" "You always were."
" I should have given you away."
She spits this last in my face in a thin burning stream
That shoots from her mouth like a serpent's tongue
©2010 Peggy Pendleton
2 comments:
Oh my goodness, this is shockingly sad. Very powerfully intimidating and sad.
Powerful indeed -- that first line really grabbed me, I feel that way about my late father sometimes. It's hard to block out those voices, they are nearly hardwired into our brains aren't they? But we can (and should) ignore them, of course.
And you know she was SO wrong, clearly, look at your talent right here on the screen :)
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